ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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