I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
