so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
