I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
