he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I believe in your delicious
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
