You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
