I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
