It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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