did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
