Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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