I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
