you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize