oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Drunk is a universal language darling
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
