3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize