I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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