Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
