I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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