we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
