Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's shark week go big or go home
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
