I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
