he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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