I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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