He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
