He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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