That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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