Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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