Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
