swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
