How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
