You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
