Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
