Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
