if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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