R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
