I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
