I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
where are my eyebrows?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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