i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so let's talk penis.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
