Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
