Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
