I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
