Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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