you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
