So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
