i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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