We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
