i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
