my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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