his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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