i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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