i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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