Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
