Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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