Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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