No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
