Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
