sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
