I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
