That's when you crack a 10am beer
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
