Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
