At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize