she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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