Where is the hickey?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This house was built for laser tag.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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