I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
