Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
