This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
