I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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