would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b