yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.