we made out on top of his cat.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator