He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.