So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks