BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
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I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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