i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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