just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
